Most doctors advise against looking to the internet for medical advice, particularly to diagnose a health problem.

A bit of a rebel, I did so anyway and as far as I can tell I suffer from akathisia. Google tells me this is a “a neuropsychiatric syndrome and movement disorder that makes it difficult to sit or remain still due to an inner restlessness.”

Or, I’m guessing, it could be a symptom of a loquacious old geezer with juvenile impatience.

One of the old Greek philosophers said, “Know thyself.” Ironically, we don’t know who actually said it, but Socrates, Plato and Aristotle are likely suspects.

A former employer promoted psychological profile tests. After experimenting with several different types of tests, our CEO settled on one and it became the test used for all serious job candidates.

My human resources director and I were trained to administer the test and interpret the results. While we could credit the results for only a portion of our decision to hire a candidate, the test provided a good peek at what made the individual tick.

These psychological profiles were amazingly accurate. Many persons, myself included, argued the first time they saw the results of their profile. We struggled with the truth about ourselves!

Knowing thyself can be uncomfortable.

One of the traits that was not identified by my profiles is my discomfort with sitting for a period of time without talking. The internet identifies this as akathisia. I think.

This trait first raised its ugly head when I was a kid in church. While my quiet sitting limit is about 30 minutes, our church services often went much longer. Some Sunday evening services went 90 minutes.

My father didn’t care to hear complaints about church matters. When I complained about the length of those marathon services, Dad reminded me I could sit for two hours at a basketball game without complaint. “Yeah,” I protested, “but at a basketball game I can talk and get up and eat popcorn and drink pop …” My protests were to no avail.

When Julie and I were looking for a movie recently I read that the movie we were both interested in was more than two hours long. I cringed when I saw the 135-minute figure but there aren’t a lot of movies we both enjoy so we went.

The motion picture, “Sound of Hope,” is an excellent film based on real-life circumstances with a strong story line and talented actors. A while into the film I began to grow restless and checked my glow-in-the-dark watch. I resigned myself to sit through another hour. Fortunately, toward the end of the movie the action picked up and I ultimately enjoyed the show.

When I was the executive director of the Iowa Newspaper Foundation my duties included planning and executing professional development seminars for member newspaper employees. My counterpart from Minnesota had been working on her master’s degree in adult education and shared with me some of the things she had learned about setting up seminars and workshops.

Adults learn differently than children attending school every day, she explained, and are no longer accustomed to sitting quietly for long periods of time. Thus, workshops should be scheduled with more breaks for cell phone calls, refreshments, potty breaks and stretching.

I began setting up workshops with 50-minute sessions followed by 10-minute breaks. Though I received some resistance from trainers, many of the workshop participants told me they appreciated the shorter sessions and more frequent breaks.

One of the joys of retirement is significantly fewer long, boring meetings. Attorneys, financial planners and hearing aid dealers still invite me to their “informative meetings” and I politely decline. Some even offer a free meal for sitting through their seminars, but I’d rather eat a grilled cheese sandwich in my own home than sit quietly through a lengthy meeting regardless of the enticements.

So do I suffer from akathisia or am I merely a talkative old guy who can’t sit still for any length of time.

Know thyself.

I wish.

Arvid Huisman can be contacted at huismaniowa@gmail.com. ©2024 by Huisman Communications.