This week has been a blur. It’s been an out of body experience where I’ve felt like being on autopilot, but not quite the near death experience with a bright light at the end of the tunnel.

It’s kind of like, it’s been “once I get home, I’m faceplanting a pillow.”

I shouldn’t be sharing this, but at seven o’clock on the dot on a Wednesday morning, I literally jumped out of bed with a leg cramp. I walked it off, but was rewarded with a massive headache mere seconds afterward.

Before jolting out my REM sleep cycle, I dreamt of walking through a hybrid of the family farm and a garden center in Amarillo, Texas, where I worked in my early to mid 20s. It was one of those weird discombobulated mixes of memories tied into one another to create something completely different, yet so familiar.

Just as this featherless rooster (which was an ugly looking son of a gun) was just about to peck at my leg, I woke up. With a leg cramp. Which made me do a proverbial long jump with a yelp of pain.

My right leg just hurts just thinking about it. Do I need more potassium in my life?

Better yet, is this a good story to tell at cocktail parties?

Ever since we could communicate, we like to tell each other stories — either from the imagination or from real life experience.

Of course, there’s fiction versus nonfiction. Easy sections to find at the Kendall Young Library, by the way.

With some people, it’s a mix of fantasy and reality. The jury is still out on whether that combination is for the best or not.

Some people have a more warped perspective compared to others. Look no further than Alex Jones on that one, and it’s why the more “out there” conspiracy theories never catch on.

I mean, the concept of lizard people controlling the world is pretty dumb, if you ask me.

I believe with all stories, we have to ask ourselves a universal question — “is it good?”

Good stories can vary, from short and simple to lavish and lengthy. Believe it or not, there are a lot of professions that are built on storytelling.

My job entails storytelling. Granted, it’s nonfiction and I have to be as accurate as I can when writing said stories.

I can’t just whip up something where Jaime Grossoehme hops onto the back of a dragon and rides off to Orange City to play basketball for Northwestern College — as cool as that sounds.

Part of that is true, because Jaime is committed to play hoops for the Red Raiders (by the way, I know a lot of student-athletes over at NWC — it’s a great school). Actually, 90 percent of that statement is fact.

The dragon, though? It wouldn’t fit within my parameters as a journalist.

Now, if I decided to become an author who specializes in fiction? It could be done, just as long as Jaime and Northwestern College’s men’s basketball program get royalties from the book sales.

I think if you paid me enough, I could craft a story on that over the course of an afternoon.

Would it be a good story? I’m sure it could.

A weird side quest in life that I would love to do, if I had the means and the time to do so, would be to write an epic series of novels. There’s a huge universe that is swirling in my head, with interesting theories in time travel, the cosmos and superheroes.

I keep that information a closely guarded secret, until it’s time to put pen to paper. I’ve formulated these ideas since I was a sophomore in high school, and have continued to refine them until I know that it can be successful.

Can’t have anybody taking my ideas, either. People tend to do that, if you say too much.

Here’s an interesting take. Professional wrestlers are storytellers.

Rather than write down their adventures and trials onto paper or via word processor, they tell stories through taking up a persona and battling their opponents within the squared circle.

There are insider terms, such as a “program,” where another wrestler feuds with another over a wide variety of things. The “blowoff” is a term used for the final battle of the feud, which is usually a “no holds barred” match, a street fight, or a match involving a cage, weapons or a stipulation that plays into either the wrestler or his opponent.

It’s why I have a lot of respect for pro wrestlers — from the indy circuit to All Elite Wrestling and World Wrestling Entertainment. Experimenting with this line of work in my early 20s still sticks with me, and I still have a lot of friends in “the business.”

Much love to my guys — “The Copperhead” Duke Cornell, Jon West, Rick Elsey, Rexx Reed, Dameon Blood, Greg “Gory” Lyn, Pierce Price, El Gringo Loco, Brandon McGreggor and Violent V.

In the words of legendary commentator Jim Ross, you have to “work the hold, and tell a story.”

Back to more traditional storytellers. I have run across a few authors in my life.

Heck, I even know an author who is a pretty darn good journalist. Shout out to Darcy Dougherty Maulsby, by the way.

Tried to date an author, once, too. That didn’t pan out so well. It didn’t help that she had a bit of an ego to her.

Make your head can get through the front door, folks.

I don’t know if authors look down on journalists or not, but I do have a point that I like to make from time to time.

Authors are lucky to get published once or twice per year. They have to go through editors who want to change things up for the sake of changing things up.

Ask Joe LeValley about that process sometime. The former Dayton resident turned fictional author could tell you some horror stories about publishers drumming up ideas that are completely out of left field.

But here’s my take on that.

I get published just about every day. My material may not be as grandiose as “A Song of Ice and Fire” or “The Greatest Generation,” but my name is still attached to stories — for better or for worse.

I like telling stories, and heck, I’d like to say that I’m halfway decent at it. But I’m always willing to get better.

Along the way, there’s bound to be rough patches. But that’s part of the process.

At the end of the day, we want to tell, write or read a good story. It’s a big part of what makes humans.

So, what makes a good story? At least, from a fictional perspective?

The hero’s journey is a good start. Throw in some obstacles or a conflict that the protagonist has to struggle with.

Life ain’t easy, so don’t have your character breeze through the story without issues. That’s where Star Wars went wrong with Rey.

Nobody’s too talented for their own good, and not have faults that come with them.

However, don’t make the odds so insurmountable that it takes an outright miracle to reach the story’s conclusion, either.

People love “the struggle” and “the good fight.”

There’s a saying within many circles that life doesn’t give you what you can’t handle.

Give the character flaws, as well as learning from experiences that they’ve gone through previously. Don’t forget to provide some context to why they act a certain way, either, or provide context via a “slow burn.”

Stay away from self-inserts or use your character as a means to push an agenda. That’s an instant turn off with readers. It’s a large problem with comic books these days.

A straight white male is just as good (or bad) of a person as someone who is pink with purple polka dots.

Worldbuilding is another big one. You don’t have to go too overboard with it, but give it some thought. It can be based around a ton of larger concepts (medieval, cyberpunk, utopian), but you can give them a personal twist.

People use fiction as a means of escape, so give readers that opportunity to join the character in that parallel universe.

Those are just a few pieces of friendly advice. Let me know how you do in the near future.

Until next time!