“You are worthless.”

The words were piercing. Meant for no one to hear, though I wish everyone had. Expletives came with it, as did tears. Yet nothing was as powerful, sad and disappointing as this simple, succinct self-evaluation in the midst of a meltdown.

You. Are. Worthless.

I was walking to the parking lot at a youth softball tournament in West Des Moines last weekend when I happened to pass a girl who couldn’t have been more than 13 or 14 years old. She was crying and visibly shaken by something that had just happened, probably during her last game. That’s when I heard the words I don’t want any teenager to even mutter, let alone believe. She wasn’t being berated by a coach, or having a conversation with an angry parent.

She was talking to herself.

I’m not bringing this up to debate the merits or pitfalls of travel ball. My feelings are mixed on the matter, but this isn’t the system’s fault. Or the sport. Or the event. And it’s certainly not on the kids.

We, the adults, are collectively to blame.

I have two daughters around this girl’s age. I’m often reminded how hard they are on themselves — especially when they think no one is looking. And, how much they tend to internalize problems.

This random ballplayer from a random team in some random community was a total stranger to me, but I immediately felt the pain and resignation in her voice. In many ways, she was speaking to the insecurity, doubt and frustration so many middle schoolers and high schoolers feel under their breath.

I was a ballplayer once, and I’ve been covering sports my entire adult life. I know how it goes. Expectations are high. Criticism is common. Thick skin is necessary. Mistakes — even and especially at a higher level — can be brutal.

This softball tournament wasn’t any of that. There were hundreds of kids — anywhere from the ages of 6 through probably 16 — playing in a fall event that, in the grand scheme of things, meant absolutely nothing.

I walked around observing coaches and parents last weekend, as I often do. I am sometimes encouraged by the attitude and perspective I see. It’s not all bad. It’s not inherently toxic. There are a lot of people who earnestly try to teach and grow the game in a positive manner. Thankfully, we’ve had nothing but good experiences with local coaches.

It doesn’t take many bad apples to spoil the lot, though. So we must be more consistent and adamant about drowning out the dysfunction. We need to come to a universal understanding that youth sports should be about fun, development, competing with character and getting kids to that next step — not because they’re forced to, but because they want to keep going.

Most young people don’t handle pressure better because they’ve been yelled at more or berated enough. Athletes often flourish when they have a good internal rhythm, a natural confidence about themselves, and most importantly, they’ve been coached up. That doesn’t come from being belittled or intimidated because they dropped a fly ball or missed a shot when a 10U game was on the line back in the day.

Long story short, they typically believe because others have believed in them along the way.

If they’re already critical of themselves? Be aware. That’s all the more reason to try to balance out the energy and use those emotions in a productive way. Most of us try to get our kids, in general, to care more. If and when they do, feed it into their work ethic and thirst for knowledge while making sure they understand mistakes happen and aren’t the end of the world.

There are a lot of different ways to coach, teach and motivate. This isn’t about coming up with a universal style, or even treating everyone the same way. I’m pretty sure we can find the right buttons to push while also maintaining a level of respect and decency that doesn’t lead to a kid losing both their confidence and spirit in the process.

Adults don’t have to be perfect in the moment. We won’t always say or do the right things. We must be aware, however, that our actions and tone are not only being observed, but often mimicked by our kids. That is where we are still coming up short — sometimes woefully.

“You are worthless.” May those words follow you the way they’ve stuck with me the last few days.

Let’s be better not just for the sake of sports, but for the future of our society.

Eric Pratt is the DFJ’s Interim Sports Editor. Contact him via email at sports@messengernews.net, or on Twitter @ByEricPratt