Trending
It was so hot the other day I saw a funeral procession pull through a Dairy Queen. Okay, that's an exaggeration but it was really hot.
When it gets this hot, I stay inside as much as possible and this often results in too little to occupy my mind. This leads to an idle mind and an idle mind is the devil's workshop. And that's when I begin thinking weird thoughts.
Why, for instance, does time accelerate as time remaining diminishes? When I was a kid and had an entire life ahead of me, birthdays seemed to be 10 years apart. Now that I'm older and acknowledge that I'm not Methuselah, birthdays seem to come about once a month.
Another thing: why do they call them "rest rooms?" Maybe I don't move in sufficiently sophisticated circles, but the rest rooms I've been in have little room for rest. The only seats I've found weren't designed for relaxing with a Diet Coke and an ice cream cone. "Necessary rooms" may be a cute euphemism but it's more accurate than "rest rooms." Of course, "the john" works well, too.
Speaking of ice cream cones, why can't an ice cream cone in each hand be considered a balanced meal?
What do baseball umpires think about during idle moments in the game? Maybe they wonder why they didn't go into football officiating so they could at least watch the cheerleaders.
Speaking of which, why doesn't baseball have cheerleaders?
Why do we change our voices when we talk on the telephone? You know, like when your wife is upset with you and letting you know about it. The phone rings and her tone instantly switches from angry to sweet?
I recall an early morning phone call at the office many years ago. As a sweet-as-sugar female voice asked about some local event I could hear children fighting in the background. In the middle of her question, the caller excused herself, obviously covered telephone mouthpiece with her hand, screamed at the kids in a furious and profane manner and returned to the line to finish her question in saccharine style.
Maybe it's a good thing we change our voices when we talk on the telephone!
What is Victoria's Secret?
Why do they perfume toilet tissue?
Why are we so stupid? When we were young and carefree and could have spent hours of enjoyable time with our siblings we fought like banty roosters. Now that we enjoy one another's company, it's hard to find time to get together.
Speaking of stupid, what overpaid airplane designer really believes the average American fits in today's coach class airliner seats? If not stupid, he (or she) is an overpaid sadist. Yeah, I know it's about profitability but one of these days a larger person is going to suffer a permanent hiney injury and the ensuing lawsuit will eat up those profits.
Why does the amount we put in the church offering seem so much more valuable than the same amount we spend at a restaurant?
What do people in China call their good plates?
I wonder what today's children will tell their kids and grandkids about the "good old days." Will they talk about how they had to ride on a bouncy school bus that didn't even have on-board videos? Or, about the lean years when all mom could afford to feed them was frozen pizza and store-brand soda pop? Or about when the entire family gathered around the old television set that had only a 25" picture and didn't even have stereo sound?
I don't believe in reincarnation, but I've thought about it during some of those dangerous idle moments. If reincarnation were true, who might I have been in a former life? I hope it was a skinny person.
Why did God make Boxelder bugs?
I don't enjoy clapping to the music in church or at concerts. Clapping is just hitting yourself repeatedly because you supposedly like something.
Are oranges named oranges because oranges are orange, or is an orange named orange because oranges are orange?
I have enjoyed photography for many years but recently realized that the youngest picture of you is also the oldest picture of you.
See what happens when the mind is idle?
(Arvid Huisman can be contacted at huismaniowa@gmail.com. ©2026 by Huisman Communications.)