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The challenge of small cars and ceiling fans

Several years ago a Facebook friend who is a past schoolmate from the mid-1950s sent me some copies of yearbook photos from that era. The photos included one of his class, the class a year behind him and my class, which was two years behind his.

The first-grade photo (my class) brought back a lot of memories. Surprisingly, I remembered all but one of my first-grade classmates.

Even more surprisingly, I had forgotten how large I was. Smack dab in the middle of the photo, in the middle of the second row, there was this boy obviously much larger than all his classmates. An old school file discovered a few years ago indicated I was 4 foot 4 inches tall and 88 pounds in first grade.

Like the St. Bernard who thinks he’s a lapdog, I don’t spend much time thinking about my size.

Today I stand 6 feet 7 inches tall and weigh more than 300 pounds. Throughout my childhood, I stood a head taller than all my classmates. That was the norm and I didn’t pay much attention to the height of my friends. Some had brown eyes, some had blue eyes. It made no difference.

Adolescence is the time when a guy is more likely to be a wise guy. During my high school years I was sometimes asked, “How tall are you?” A wise guy would respond, “I didn’t know they stacked (cow manure) that high!” We all laughed; what else are you going to do?

Other than not fitting well in our student desks, being very large was not a problem in high school. Except at school dances.

Possessing all the grace of a drunken moose, I was not a dancer but I wanted to participate in school activities. With most of the girls in our school being shorter than 5 feet 9 inches (or so) and at least a few slow dances on the program, this could be awkward.

My date for a senior year dance was 5 feet 2 inches. Dancing was awkward but, hey, she was cute.

When Dan Cupid’s arrow hit, I fell in love with a brown-eyed lovely who was only 5 feet 4 inches tall. Not a problem for me, but a statuesque coworker accused “all you tall guys” of preferring short girls. What could I say? All the girls I knew were shorter than I was.

My “short” bride and I had two children; a son who grew to 6-foot-3-inches and a daughter who is 5-feet, 10-inches tall.

Well-fitting and fashionable clothing can be a challenge for large people. Thanks to a family of clothiers who “adopted” me I was able to be presentable for most occasions. In retirement, however, I have become a fan of fashions with elastic.

Children’s reactions to my size have been fun. In a supermarket in Sioux City, a small boy holding his mother’s hand stared at me as they passed by. He said, “Mom, that man is really big!”

His mother jerked his hand to pull him along and whispered, “Don’t say things like that.” Maybe she thought I didn’t realize I was big.

At a store just a week ago, a cute little guy who couldn’t have been more than 3 stopped in his tracks and just stared at me for a while. I imagine when you’re about two-feet tall I can be a daunting sight.

Two factors have made being large a bigger (no pun intended) problem in recent times. Many things have become smaller in the past 50 years. In the 1970s I could comfortably drive any full-size sedan. Today, I am limited to the largest minivan on the market. When I began traveling for my job in the early ’80s, airplanes were generally comfortable. These days Hollywood should make a movie: “Honey, They Shrunk the Airplane!”

Also, age has made being large more difficult. Chairs made for normal people (average U.S. women are 5 feet 4 inches and men are 5 feet 10 inches) are too low for tall old people. One Sunday a few years ago I needed help getting up from my chair at church. Subsequently, I found a device on online that gives me a boost when it’s time to stand.

Genetically, my size comes from my father’s side. Great Uncle Klaas Huisman, born in 1884, was 6 feet 6 inches tall and weighed 300 pounds in his prime. My paternal grandmother was 6 feet tall. It’s in the genes.

I have endured the teasing and struggled with ill-fitting clothing and shrinking cars.

Today my biggest challenge is ceiling fans.

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