If the “wonder of the Christmas magic” seems missing, you are not alone.

This weekend, the Webster City Ministerial Association is co-hosting the Blue Christmas service with Foster’s Funeral and Cremation Center and Boman’s Funeral Home. It’s a service I have attended and recommend it for anyone feeling the losses of family and loved ones, anywhere, anytime. The Elvis Presley song “It’ll be a Blue Christmas Without You,” tells a bit of the story, but it is not enough to handle loss, especially during the holidays.

As we all try to deal with our sadness, the challenge to get into a holiday spirit is even more difficult. It hits every household, every family, every living being on this planet. No one can avoid it, but sometimes others can help deal with the grief.

That’s why I appreciate the efforts made to pull the Blue Christmas Service together.

It can help.

When I was in my 20s and living thousands of miles from my hometown of Webster City, the holidays were particularly challenging. No family close, no snow or cold weather. Everything that was decorated seemed to make me feel worse. My friendships were all new, and not established. No one knew me well enough to help when I started losing family members. With limited funds, I was unable to attend funeral services. I had to find a way to cope.

I had to find people who would gather and work together.

I started with finding a church home, and started meeting individuals who became friends. I started volunteering. This was when toy drives were “gently used”, and we would deliver them to homes that had unpainted wood floors, and twigs for Christmas trees.

Those deliveries were always appreciated.

It warmed my heart to help, it made the joy of singing during the Christmas services feel like I was part of something much more important.

It was the act of service to others. It was a message that Christ left for us to follow.

But it’s not always easy to find that connection, that spirit that works through your heart and soul.

When it’s missing, you need help to find it.

It’s what I had to do when I moved back to Webster City. I attended several churches, seeking connections. I was busy working, but I found I had to get involved, not just at Christmas time, but throughout the year. I found friendships, love and purpose. It became home again.

But I also found that many things had changed.

Even though I had moved home, my siblings had started their own traditions for the holidays with their families. Many efforts to have full family gatherings failed over the years, and there were few children to enhance the holiday with excitement and joy over unwrapping gifts and stories of Santa and sleigh bells.

Our holiday gatherings were smaller, our houses were quieter. The sounds of the season seemed more artificial and didn’t bring a smile to my heart or my soul.

My family became smaller and smaller. Dealing with loss became a regular part of my life during the last 20 years. The last of the greatest generation in my family passed when my mother died two years ago.

There is still grief. There is still sadness.

There are many reasons to feel blue; lack of sunlight, loss of traditions, missing family members, changing relationships, loss of jobs, and the list goes on and on. There is grief in many of us that extends beyond death.

People have to find their own way of coping with the aging of our families, the changes in our health, the loneliness and weariness that sometimes exhausts us.

But refreshing your spirit, as hard as it seems, is what we all need to do. And the special ‘Blue Christmas’ service can help.

No one is going to tell you that they have a magic fix, and that your grief has a date stamp on it. It takes time, and patience from family and friends to allow healing to take place at the right time. That timing is so very different for everyone.

We all wish we could help when our friends and family members are suffering and dealing with the many stages of grief.

Join with the ministers and the individuals who put together the Blue Christmas service. It’s a step, not a fix, but it may help.

And let the season be what it needs to be. A season of hope.

Kolleen Taylor is the lead writer for the Daily Freeman Journal.