Convenience store and grocery store news racks are not as “captivating” as they were a few decades ago when there were some fascinating “rags” on display. They displayed headlines like “Two-headed Gator-Man eats dentist!” “Spice Girls begin breeding in attempt to create Spice Army!” “This just in: Phobophobia is scary!”

One such tabloid declared that Hillary Clinton had given birth to a chimpanzee. Another declared that an alien had been abducted by the Air Force. The articles were not as interesting as the headlines.

How do I know? I purchased a few over the years. I didn’t believe any of that blarney but… well… I got a good laugh of those tabloids.

I remember reading one such publication and discovering it was published by a young person (at that time) from Southern Iowa. The material was written by and for teenagers who describe themselves as “out of the mainstream.”

As a square peg former kid who resented getting pounded into round holes, I could relate to some of these young folks and their discontent. In an article entitled “Pranks are cool!!” the young author detailed his ideas for stupid but harmless pranks to drive adults crazy. A few examples: clean out an anti-freeze jug, fill it with blue or green Kool-Aid and then drink from the jug in a public setting. Sit on a bench in a high-traffic public setting twisting and pulling at a voodoo doll while a nearby accomplice acts out the torture you are inflicting on the doll. Fill a gas can with water and pour it on flowers and shrubs in a public setting.

Stupid? You bet! But when you’re a 16-year-old boy, stupid can be part of your job description.

The pranks article reminded me of a shenanigan I wanted to pull off when I was a teenager. The high school I attended was in Blairsburg, Iowa, near the junction of U.S. Highways 20 and 69. Locals referred to the intersection as the Blairsburg Corners. In the 1960s, before I-35 traversed the region, this was one of the busiest rural highway intersections in north central Iowa.

A born daydreamer I often gazed out the classroom windows at traffic on the highways. Who are these motorists, I wondered, and where are they going?

An avid reader of Popular Science magazine, I was fascinated by the ads for government surplus equipment, including eight-foot weather balloons. It occurred to me that a kid could have a lot of fun if he filled one of these balloons with helium, taped battery-powered flashing lights around its surface and then, after dark, let it ascend while tethered to a long, thin rope. I even picked a point near the busy intersection from which I would allow the balloon to ascend.

I could imagine the fear this UFO would strike into the hearts of the passing motorists and the attention it might generate. What if I got caught? Cool! They can’t send you to jail for flying a balloon, can they? A stunt like that might even make the newspapers and the television stations.

I went so far as to call a helium supplier to determine how much it would cost to fill the balloon with helium. That’s where my dream ended; the cost of helium was much more than I had in my wallet. A lack of funds kept the great Blairsburg Corners UFO prank grounded.

Despite my dreams for greater monkeyshines the only successful youthful prank I can recall is a talking jack-o-lantern. One Halloween I put a speaker inside a jack-o-lantern on the front porch and ran a small wire to a makeshift amplifier inside the house.

While watching through a nearby window, I used a microphone to talk to the trick-or-treaters who came to my parents’ door. While I didn’t set out to scare kids, a couple of the younger trick-or-treaters bawled when the jack-o-lantern spoke to them. A talking jack-o-lantern isn’t nearly as cool as a UFO at a busy highway intersection but it’s my only claim to fame as a prankster.

Whatever youthful desire I had for such tomfoolery, old age has taken away most of it (along with my hair.)

Say, where you can buy a voodoo doll these days?

Arvid Huisman can be contacted at huismaniowa@gmail.com. ©2024 by Huisman Communications.