Years ago I considered writing a book about funny things that happen in church. “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Heaven,” would make a good title, I thought. Of course, I never got around to writing it.

Alas, I’m a day late and a dollar short. Several other writers have beaten me to the punch with books of similar content and titles. Perhaps the topic will be ready for another book before I unplug my computer for the final time.

In his book, “Jokes Priests Can Tell,” Msgr. Arthur Tonne tells of the small child who was overheard during a long-winded sermon. “Mommy,” he asked aloud, “are you sure this is the only way we can get to heaven?”

The late Tal D. Bonham, a Southern Baptist minister, compiled several books of clean humor including “The Treasury of Clean Church Jokes.” One of Dr. Bonham’s anecdotes:

A little girl sitting in church with her father suddenly felt ill. “Daddy,” she whispered, “I have to vomit!” Her father told her to hurry to the restroom.

In less than two minutes the child was back. “I didn’t have to go too far,” she exclaimed. “There’s a little box by the door that says, ‘For the sick.'”

Over the years, I’ve witnessed more than a few laughable church moments myself.

At our church in Sioux City, the children’s sermon was a popular part of the morning worship service. The pastor asked the children to come to the front of the church where they gathered around him on the platform steps and he shared an easy-to-understand message.

In one such children’s sermon the pastor used a tube of toothpaste for an object lesson.

Toothpaste, once squeezed out of the tube, is impossible to get back into the tube, he noted.

Hoping to help the children understand how bad and hurtful words likewise are impossible to take back once spoken, the pastor asked, “What other things are like this toothpaste tube?” One little boy piped up, “You can’t get beer back in a beer can!”

As his red-faced, nondrinking father slid down in his pew, the congregation rocked with laughter.

During another children’s sermon, the pastor was attempting to help the children understand the importance of helping others. After repeatedly but vainly asking the children for ways they could help others, he finally suggested that children could help their mothers wash and wipe dishes.

The tyke who embarrassed his father with the beer can analogy, turned on his mother this time. “My mother never does the dishes!” he exclaimed loud enough for the entire church to hear.

His mother, a meticulous housekeeper, turned bright red and buried her face in her hands.

Again, the congregation enjoyed a hearty laugh.

For what it’s worth, the gabby lad survived childhood and is now a middle-aged adult.

My now adult children still chuckle when they recall the guest minister who apparently failed to remember he was wearing a lavaliere microphone around his neck. Seated during the offering, he lowered his head and blew his nose — directly into the microphone. Our kids weren’t the only ones who snickered as the raucous noise, amplified by the public-address system, rumbled through the sanctuary.

After one of our moves we found ourselves in a new church and noticed that a young father had to carry his young (about three years old) son out of the sanctuary nearly every Sunday. The cute little guy apparently had difficulty staying out of trouble in the pew.

We were told that a few months earlier the boy had been acting up and as his father carried him to the rear of the church the boy cried, “Pray for me!”

He obviously knew what was coming.

The boy is now an adult, married and his kids of his own. I ran into him at a West Des Moines restaurant a few months ago. He turned out very well.

Is it proper to laugh in church?

“To answer that question,” Dr. Bonham wrote, “you need to answer another question — does God have a sense of humor?”

I’m in the same boat as the person who said, “I know God has a sense of humor because He created me.”

Arvid Huisman can be contacted at huismaniowa@gmail.com. ©2024 by Huisman Communications.