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The Anti-Wedding List
July 15, 2013 - Carrie Olson
Have you ever thought of any and all the people who have played negatively into your life and thought, “What would it be like if those people were in my wedding party?” Maybe not, but I did just that this weekend.
We were busy putting together a list of personal friends that we wanted on the invite list. So there we were sitting with our coffee in a big warehouse café, and Nate says, “What if our wedding party was made up of people that we didn’t care for?” Logical question. Honestly, it was because we were so busy thinking of all the people we truly liked, you have to go to the reverse for at least a second. Have to. Human nature, I say.
So we made another list: People who had been considerably nasty or judgmental to either of us, mean bosses, exes, etc. Our trip walking back to our apartment and memory lane was quick and full of laughter as we named our bridesmaids and ushers. We then imagined what it would be like and what kind of drama would be lurking at every corner. Would one person try to stop the wedding? Would someone give a toast of sorts, naming all of our grievances toward them? Maybe.
Are we mean? Eh, not really. It was merely a vocalization of our past lives, distractions and problems. I thought about a lawyer I used to work for, an old boyfriend that I had dated, and a woman who was particularly nasty toward me a couple years back. He did the same, with other people. It was almost cathartic thinking of those past incidents and also a relief in some ways. Many of the people on our list had been buried way back in the crevices of our minds, the situations that caused these stressful interactions almost completely forgotten. “Remember that girl you broke up with me for back in 2006? Yeah, she should be in it.” We continued to laugh and imagine all the atrocities that would be committed at this imaginary wedding, it went on for a good period of time.
I used to think of the “who did me wrongs” constantly, when I had too much spare time and was unhappy in my current situation. I’d still not be over the past and furiously think of these people who had helped make my present unsettled. And while I was busy thinking that these people had no idea I was thinking of them, they probably weren’t. And honestly, the people in our imaginary wedding party for the most part are not bad people. Some are actually really nice, caring and understanding individuals. Just happened to be in unfortunate circumstances with one or both of us.
It’s not a happy time to think of all the bad of your past. Usually there is some hidden animosity, something there that says whatever was negative isn’t over. While making this imaginary list, it definitely was a Band-Aid pulling experience. Except it wasn't festering, the scab had completely healed. I didn’t feel anything for these people or experiences. It was like recalling a funny moment from the past. There it was and there it would be. That’s all. Our here and now may not be perfect and perhaps there are people in it that give us headaches from time to time. But being able to get over the past, or most of it, and really realizing it made that list almost a bonus to our free weekend. Afterwards, we got ready for our night out in Midtown and meeting friends in the East Village later in the evening. And I didn’t go to bed thinking about these people from my past. So there it was. I had hoped to at least have a crazy dream about this imaginary wedding party, just so I didn’t have to consciously wonder anymore what that event would like like, but unfortunately that didn’t happen either.
I will be happy to inform you that this list will never come to fruition or back into consciousness. Just sometimes, it's kind of fun to be vicious with your past. And imagining your maid of honor charging at you with the cake cutter, that's just priceless.
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