It was a beautiful day. A butterfly floated ever so gently above the head of my white cat Suki. She gazed at it doing it's flutter dance for quite some time, and I thought, "Wow, this is so peaceful." I smiled. She looked more like a kitten than a four-year-old tabby as she began to softly paw the insect. Awww. Before I knew it, Suki had smashed the butterfly between her front paws and it quickly began its descent to the grass below. With some aggression, the cat pounced on the creature - and just as swiftly as this peaceful moment began, Suki stuck the Monarch in her mouth, the orange wings sticking out of her ever-so-delicately drawn face. She ate that butterfly and later puked it up.
But that is life, isn't it? It's beautiful, perfect in some instances - before something unexpected happens. Granted, cats and other animals love to eat insects, I just wasn't expecting such a moment to turn out in the way that it did. (I'm going to guess that Suki didn't realize she was going to have an upset stomach, either.)
I have never had my life planned out to an exact 'T,' yet there are certain milestones that I had hoped to hit by now. Circumstances, situations and people got in the way. I got in the way.
In recent months, I have stood at a pretty prominent fork-in-the-road. One of those situations where I can go this way or that, with no other options. Usually I would try to run away and hide from such serious decision-making and save it for another day. But not this time.
And usually in similar occasions, I'd bite my fingernails and feel panicked. Again, this did not happen.
A quiet calmness had surrounded me and slowly the fog began to disappear. On an evening run, the answer became clear and prominent in my head.
For me, it felt like a small miracle. As if fate had intervened or some larger power. I was at peace.
After big decisions that I usually like to hide from, fear sets in. "Is that the right decision?" "What if this or that happens?"
Instead, all I could think is, "It's going to be okay."
I'm a bit nervous, but more excited to be going on a new path, on a new adventure.
Perhaps this is maturity. I understand now that perfect moments and situations do happen, but most likely not in the way you had always planned. Which is okay. And that life only offers you so many re-dos, so many chances. I better take them while I can.
Life is never going to be just how I expected it to be. People in my life have come and gone. There have been bitter moments and sad events to deal with. It has taken time to realize that those situations have made me stronger and wiser.
There has been so much to be thankful for in my life. I'd never thought that the love in my heart could grow so much, until I looked upon a child's face and knew it to be true. I never thought that a flawed past relationship could blossom into the best friendship I have ever known. But it did.
And like the cat with the butterfly, I know that not everything will turn out to my exact liking. That I can't control every instance or understand why things happen the way that they do. Again, my answer is "It's going to be okay." Sometimes it's those unexpected moments - awkward, sad, and perhaps funny - that make life worth it.
Life is hard, but it is ever so beautiful.