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That’s what Mom and Dad taught us

Country Roads

If you had visited my parents’ home in the 1960s you would never have believed that their six children would get along 50 years later. We were a scrappy bunch who fought much of the time. And when I say “fought” I mean scrapped, brawled, punched, pinched, hit, argued, quarreled and (when our parents weren’t around) cussed. However, if anyone threatened any of the other of us we would engage in scrapping, brawling, punching, pinching, hitting, arguing and quarreling with the perpetrator(s.) Not to mention cussing at them.

Mom and Dad were totally against this behavior but we outnumbered them and, as the oldest, I sensed that toward the end of our collective childhoods they had begun to give up. Fortunately, we all grew up before they both went insane.

Fast forward to the present day and the Huisman Sextet (a fancier label than we deserve) gets along just fine. I attribute a great deal of that to the fact that we don’t all live in the same neighborhood.

On New Year’s Day we gathered for our annual Christmas observance and it was a day of peace and harmony. Our baby sister lives in Florida and couldn’t make it this year, but I’m confident she, too, would have behaved herself had she been present. Mom seemed pleased with us on New Year’s Day and I can hear my father’s voice from heaven saying, “Finally!”

Every now and then my siblings and I engage in an impromptu e-mail “round robin” wherein we reminisce, share thoughts and, often, express our appreciation for one another. Such a round robin happened last month.

Brother Dave initiated this round robin by sending out a list of 21 Rules for Old Age. It was good advice; better than some of the stuff we have shared over the years. The rules included things like, “If you’ve been offended by others, forgive them.” And, “Take no notice of what others say about you and even less of what they might be thinking.”

I was impressed with the cogency and depth of the rules. When my siblings and I get together descriptors like “cogency” and “depth” are seldom employed. We have never been accused of being too serious.

The youngest sibling is now 55 years old and in this round robin I sensed a mood of “making things right.” Yes, we apologized for stupid things we did to each other when we were young. I apologized for being a bully when Mom and Dad left us home alone and, being the eldest, I assumed responsibility for the brood.

When I ordered the troops to go to bed the older siblings resisted. I can still hear them protest, “You’re not my boss!” Well, of course I was, and I humbly accepted that responsibility and took appropriate action to carry it out. And I was a real jerk about it.

I had a list of “sorries” but we all did some stupid things. Fortunately, we’ve all grown beyond that.

It wasn’t always easy being the oldest in a houseful of kids (especially in a house with only one bathroom.) We all shared bedrooms ̶ two kids per room. When I was about 16 I measured a room in the basement trying to figure out how I could convert it into MY room. Alas, I didn’t have the funds needed to make the room habitable and I’m sure my father would have put the kibosh on it. Dad did not frequently appreciate how my teenage mind functioned.

As each of us boys matured the fighting stopped and once the boys all left home Mom and Dad had only our baby sisters’ fighting to put up with. Of course, they grew up, too, and before they knew it our parents’ had an empty nest. All of their children are now empty-nesters, too.

Though we were a large, low income family our childhoods were blessed. In spite of our orneriness, our parents loved and cared for us and taught us how to be good citizens.

1Brother Dave’s list of rules for old age, the e-mail that started the latest round-robin, ended with this reminder: “Respect is earned, honesty is appreciated, trust is gained and loyalty is returned.”

That ̶ and more ̶ is what Mom and Dad taught us.

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